JSM&SMC July 2019: Therapeutic Conversations

It was refreshing start to Term 3, as Charis Patrick, Family and Martial Therapist, Trainer and Family Life Educator, addressed a crowd of 51 mothers on 25 July 2019 at the SAJS Thinkubator.

Mingling at breakfast

As morning refreshments were served, mothers mingled and interacted during the session to discover:
– the different communication styles
– how to talk so your child will listen
– how to listen so your child will talk.
 
Research shows that when we communicate, only 7% of the content is received, while body language and tone takes up most of the message.
Charis spoke with passion on actions speaking louder than words. She suggested that as parents, we take a step back and do not nag our children. The less “rescuing” or reminding our children, the more they will take ownership of their situation and increase their personal motivation for action.

Our natural parental fear will lead us to want to “rescue” our children, but allowing our children to exercise personal choice helps to motivate them. For example, if the child chooses not to do his homework, he will have to face the consequences at school and not blame the parent for not doing the homework.

Supporting our children doesn’t mean rescuing them. Support creates a trust that our children have the ability to complete their tasks, which motivates them further when the tasks are completed because of their ability.

As parents, when we lose hope, we tend to try to rescue our children. However, rescuing has many implications:

  • Rescue leads to disempowerment in the child.
  • Rescue will never be appreciated by the child.
  • Rescue will lead to a sense of “self-sacrifice” by parents (in the hope of making everyone happy), which leads to feelings of resentment. When we are resentful, we’ll be angry and will likely punish (perpetrate) our children.

“Self-sacrificing” is a common phenomenon among stay-at-home mothers. As stay-at-home-mothers, their “KPIs” include their children’s performance in school. However, when mothers “self-sacrifice”, they send a message to their family that they can sacrifice and their time and wishes are not important. When their families start to taking self-sacrifical mothers for granted, these mothers would feel resentful.

When we reduce our tendancy to “self sacrifice” and build up our sense of self instead, we create healthier boundaries for ourselves, that our children can relate to. This will also lead to healthier relationships with our children and our spouses.

Interactive participants

As parents, we have to learn to be aware of our emotions and regulate our emotions. This will help us better understand ourselves, and in turn better understand our children.

We can listen to our children’s passions, even though we may not agree with them. We can also be passionate with what our children are passionate about. We do not have to burst their bubble. We can give them space to explore their options.

3 important ingredients for communication.

Every communication is an incidental teaching. Round up the conversation with a hug. Let our children know that we are their safe space, so that when they have difficulties or problems, they know they can come back to us, their safe space.

Steps to have a therapeutic conversation.

Deborah thanking our speaker.

 

 

 

Dads Coffee Club: Laser Tag

Dads Coffee Club organised a Laser Tag event last Saturday, 17 March 2018. 25 pairs of father-and-son met at the SASS Hall to team up and strategise out-playing the other team.

In the process, the fathers and sons all got to know their fellow Saints better, and the friendly atmosphere remained buoyant long after the event was over.

Thanks, DCC for organising this event!

 

2018 Notice of Annual General Meeting

Notice is hereby given that the 48th Annual General Meeting of the St Andrew’s Parent-Teacher Association (“SAPTA”) will be held on Saturday, 24 March 2017, 12:30pm at:

SCHOOL AVA ROOM
ST ANDREW’S JUNIOR SCHOOL
2 FRANCIS THOMAS DRIVE
SINGAPORE 359337

AGENDA:

  1. Welcome and Opening Address by Chairman.
  2. Adoption of Minutes of the 47th Annual General Meeting held on 29 March 2017.
  3. Matters arising from the Minutes of the 47th Annual General Meeting.
  4. Presentation of the Chairman’s Report for 2017
  5. Adoption of the audited Statement of Account for the year ended 31 December 2017.
  6. Appointment of two (2) Honorary Auditors for the ensuing year.
  7. Appointment of Honorary Legal Advisor.
  8. Presentation of Appreciation to outgoing Committee Members.
  9. To transact any other business which prior notice has been given to the Honorary Secretary at least 7 days prior to the AGM.

Submissions should reach the Honorary Secretary no later than 16 March 2018 and addressed to:

The Honorary Secretary
St Andrew’s Parent-Teacher Association
c/o St Andrew’s Secondary School
15 Francis Thomas Drive
Singapore 359342

By Order of the Executive Committee (2017/2018)

_________________________
Deborah Lee, Chairman SAPTA

Please take note of the following:

AGM Documents

In consideration of our environment, the Notice of AGM, Minutes of Meeting, Statement of Accounts and Chairman’s Report will not be mailed to members.

These documents are available for download in the links below. We will, however, be pleased to mail a set to you upon request.

Minutes of 47th AGM of SAPTA – 29 March 2017
SAPTA Financial Statement2017

On-line Registration of Attendance of AGM

If you are attending the 48th Annual General Meeting, please register online at this link:

http://tinyurl.com/saptaagm

Thank you.

 

2018 Beginning of Term Service

The Beginning of Term Service held today was a miracle, considering how the Northeast Monsoon brought persistent rain just the day before, and how the rain in Changi this morning was held away from the skies over Potong Pasir, so that the outdoor service for St Andrew’s Junior and Secondary School could be conducted in cool, dry conditions.

Parents, Alumni, Staff and Boys were all looking forward to the familiar reminder of yet another fresh year–

  • New Primary 1 boys and their parents joining the family of the Saints
  • A new cohort of Secondary 1 boys doing the Crossover Run
  • Secondary 3 boys in their long pants
  • New Alumnis coming back to witness and help in the Beginning of Term Service

And in singing the School Hymn, remembering:

Before us and beside us,
Still holden by Thy hand,
A cloud of unseen witness,
Our elder comrades stand;
One family unbroken,
We join with one acclaim;
One heart, one voice uplifting
To glorify Thy Name.

For more pictures and video about the service, check out our Facebook page.

After the Beginning of Term Service, the parents of the Secondary School boys were hosted to a breakfast, while the parents of P1 boys attended a talk by SAPTA on how to support our sons in primary one.

Dads Coffee Club: Dads and Sons’ Kukup Bonding Trip 2017

SAPTA’s Dads Coffee Club organised a Kukup Trip on 10-11 November 2017 for our dads and sons to bond over a range of fun activities.

Over the two days, the dads and their sons bonded over meals, fishing activities, games, and even a hike.

Benjamin Tan, who was there with his dad, John, said, “The whole trip was awesome as I get to do a lot of stuff with my dad like fishing, playing pool, ebiking and visiting fish farm!”

John felt that it was a purposeful 2-day-2-night trip, where he got to spend some quality time with Benjamin and get to know him better. “It also allowed me to do activities which I don’t normally do with him. Great trip!” he quipped.

Tan Yan Kit, dad to Yuan Zong, shared that his teenager found the trip very fruitful because he was able to experience new things like playing pool, fishing and visiting a kelong. Yuan Zong wanted even more father-son bonding activities for the next trip!

If you’re interested to find out more about our Dads Coffee Club programme, do leave your contact with us and we’ll get back to you as soon as possible.

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SASS Exam Food Ministry 2017

HEARTS OF GRATITUDE

In the spirit of creating a caring and encouraging environment for our Saints, the SASS Parent Support Group pioneered the Exam Food Ministry for the graduating boys, who are taking the ‘O’ and ‘N’ Level exams.

This minstry involves the provision of complete dinner meals to support our Saints in their evening studies. In collaboration with the school and with support from SAPTA, a group of 28 parents came together and fed up to 60 boys and teachers on duty for each of the 10 days of extended Self Study Period. The Centre of Excellence was opened till 9.00pm for our Saints to prepare for their examination.

With Hearts of Gratitude, our Saints showed their appreciation with notes thanking parents and how the dinners have motivated them in going the extra mile to study. A Secondary 3 boy wrote, “It gives students a good break and bonding session. Hopefully this will continue for us Sec 3s next year, as it definitely benefits the Secondary 4s.”

Dad’s Coffee Club

Mothers tend to be more visible in our school activities, compared to fathers. This isn’t because the fathers are not involved in our school activities, but more often than not, when mothers are around, fathers usually prefer to work in the background.

As our boys grow older, we realise that they need male role models who are more visible in our activities to lead and guide them. A father was quoted to have said, “The mummies will buy toys for our kids, while the daddies will be their toy!”

In May this year, SAPTA noticed that a number of fathers met regularly at the coffee shop after dropping their boys off at school. This sparked off an idea: Why not invite them to come for coffee and allow them to share with one another their parenting joys and woes? In doing so, we could also sharpen one another, in our role as fathers.

Thus, we started “Dad’s Coffee Club” at the end of May this year, with the help of the “Dads For Life” movement and other schools’ Dad’s clubs.

Dad’s Coffee Club have been meeting regularly once a month since July and we are even planning our very first Father & Son bonding trip to Kukup in November this year.

Our desire is to form a core group of fathers in the St Andrew’s family, that we may learn from each other how to be our children’s best dad. Do join us so that we can truly help our sons in ‘Making Lives, Waking Hearts. To serve the coming days.’

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